Adulting #AtoZChallenge

In two short days, I will be 45... how the Hell did that happen? Surely there's a typo somewhere. Forty-five is mid-life, right? Am I required to buy a sports car and pursue men half my age? I hope not, because I have this fear of a monster truck rolling over me if I stop short in a car, so I avoid cars that are low to the ground and honestly, I'm too tired to chase anyone.

Anywho where was I? Oh yes, the annual A to Z Challenge. The one month out of the year I manage to blog every day and then May 1st hits and my Muse hits the road. 

This year's theme... Adulting, or more precisely the things I have learned that make adulting easier (or as avoidable as possible in some cases). Over the past few years I've learned that I am "Lean"; not skinny mind you, but a "lean thinker". I've also been exploring meditation, reading up on embracing my inner sloth, using technology to help me to remember... uh... well whatever I usually forget and other helpful things. 

Hopefully I can pass along a few ideas that you'll find useful. I'll also very likely toss in some audiobook reviews of some really great books that you too might enjoy (even if you choose to read them, rather than listen to them). 

If you'd like to join the challenge - it's a lot of fun - it's not too late to sign up. Join us! Visit: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

K is for... uh... a k word... #AtoZChallenge

Yeah... I couldn't think of any good K words to blog about. I have L all figured out though - there will be videos, dancing and music!! Be sure to come back on Monday!

But K... I guess there was Karma, but that's a little too deep of a topic for me tonight.

Last year I did Just Kaizen - and although I enjoy me some continuous improvement, and am a "Lean Leader" at work, I'm too tired to Kaizen tonight.

I covered Stephen King's books pretty thoroughly in last year's B is for Books, and periodically in other posts. King writes a lot of great books.

In 2012 I did K is for Twitter is Awesome - and it is, but sadly I haven't spent much time there lately. Plus, Twitter still doesn't start with a K...

In 2011 I did K is for Kleenex Karma - a classic. Three years later and I still feel strongly that "green" should never apply to tissues. Thankfully our Office Services Dept. relented and brought back Kleenex - perhaps as a result of that post? Hmmm?

This is the part where we find out if Chris and Lisa read my blog.

Oh crap... I just thought of a K word... Kid. Duh... oh well, here's a picture of my kid :)

The menu for Angie's trendy new restaurant - Spigedy Splits

K word... nailed it :)

A to Z Challenge 2014

I've signed up to do the April A to Z Challenge again this year. This will be my fourth year participating! I'm looking forward to it. The challenge (almost) always helps me to blog, because it gives me something to focus on.

I didn't finish the challenge last year - I made it to "L" and my poor sweet Mr. Goo (Guinness) passed away. He had been with me for a very long time -  almost 13 years - and was just finding it too hard to get around. His hips just gave out on him.

I miss him, but it broke my heart more to see him in pain and unable to move freely.

Mr. Goo

But anyways, if you're interested you can check out the A to Z Challenge at http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/ - it's always a lot of fun, and you'll find some other great bloggers along the way. It's only mid February, and there are already 708 other blogs signed up!

Photo a day - April

I am crazy... but in addition to the A to Z Challenge, I'm going to give this a go!

I'm Famous Now!

Earlier this week my boss asked me to copy three change orders for him. I gave the originals and the copies back to him. He calls me three minutes later...

"I think there was a mistake, I don't have a copy of all of these change orders"

"Do you have six pieces of paper?" I asked.

"Yes."

"..."

"Can you go look on the copy machine?"

"Sure..."

Later he comes back and tells me he was mistaken, he had them all. I refrain from making any comment.

That night I relay the story to my husband who says "Behind every good man is a woman rolling her eyes."

So I Tweeted it... LOL and so far that tweet has been mentioned in three blogs! How funny is that? Even funnier that they didn't even know where it originated from.

First there was @BuildingMoxie's Blog: Behind Every Great Man Stands a Woman Rolling Her Eyes . . . Yes, Thanks @MrsPickle_ for One Great Title

Then I finally made it onto @RubySpikes weekly Top 10 post (it took a little lobbying): This Week in Tweets: Three Times as Nice

And then today I stumble over @ExtremelyAvg's blog: Tweeting is Easy

I love Twitter :)

Humorous Blogger Award

My dear friend Matt Conlon has awarded me the Humorous Blogger Award. He's such a sweetheart! His blog is funny and I love his IT cartoons. You should check it out.

The requirements are that I tell what impact humor has had on my life, and I must award the Cat's Ass to another blogger who I feel deserves it.

Humor has had a huge impact on my life. If you've met me, or even just know me online, you'll probably soon figure out that while I love to laugh, I enjoy making others laugh even more. I use humor to help me deal with difficult issues in my life and to help others with problems in theirs. Someone once said that if you're going to laugh about it later, you may as well laugh about it now. Life is ironic. It's funny. It's ruled by Murphy's Law, and long ago I determined that I would try to work with Murphy's Law and not against it. 

I've cracked jokes at funeral homes,while getting chemo and during the long hours of labor. I've made others laugh when I thought my world was ending, and brought laughter to times ruled by tears. Most times, I am the butt of my own jokes. That's who I am, that's how I deal with life.

There are several humorous blogs I follow...

This is not that Blog one of my favorites. Midget Man of Steel is another. I always enjoy Little Animation and Sarcasm 101. And there's the wildly popular Bloggess. Just to name a few.

However the blogger I have chosen to pass this award on to is my friend Tim, aka 12threefour. I love his writing style - super sarcastic and often completely off the wall. He never fails to make me laugh. Tim has also been a good Tweep and he is much appreciated by me. You should go check out his blog at http://www.12threefour.com/. 

Thanks Tim. And thank you again Matt :)

Updates on Jealousy, Poop and Binkies

An update on the Jealousy Makes me Blog Crazy Things post, to the left are the latest search keywords people used to find my blog.

Karma Kleenex - ok, I did post a blog about that, but um... who searches for it?

Nookie on the stairs? No clue. We live in a single story house, for one, and secondly I haven't ever blogged about stairs or nookie that I can recall...

And Yes! Poop! Success!!! I'm not sure who Googles poop, but there you have it!

You too are welcome to join the WTFHUH??? Blog Ring. We're comparing odd search results, and maaaybe trying to inspire new ones. It's like Google Fishing. LOL.

In other news, the binkies are all gone now. We are finally binky free! I was almost ready to give up hope. In the end, a week of cold turkey worked, even when she found one of her old, yucky, chewed up binkies. So if you're struggling with your own Binky Saga, there is hope!

Just to be sure, the two remaining binkies have uh... disappeared, never to return.

Jealousy Makes Me Blog Crazy Things

Yesterday evening I was catching up on my blog reading and I stumbled onto a new one - this is not that blog by Kendall. Her most recent post started off with the warning that today was probably not the best day to start reading her blog.

I had perfect timing, as usual!

That particular post is entitled "bear suits make everything better" and OMG is it funny!

You should go read it.

Yes, right now. Go. I'll wait. Trust me, the rest of this blog will only make complete sense if you do.

Funny, huh?

She and Little Animation - The Animated Woman make me wish I could draw. You want to go look at that blog too? Fine. I'll wait...

Ok, so anyways, if you blog you know that you can go look to see what search keywords were used to find your blog.

You didn't know that? You want to go check your search keywords right now? Fine... I'll wait...

Back? OK good. So, most of the search terms are pretty tame, but occasionally you get a really interesting one. Well, I should say some people do, my results are above and and as you can see not much exciting there.

Alright, sure, "im a cage dancer" is kind of interesting, but not nearly as cool as "fuck your shit i'm in a bear suit" or finding out that your blog is getting repeated hits from a website for people who have a fetish for getting stuck to things, like @Moooooog35.

Yes, you should go read that blog post too, but it can wait until you're done here.

So some of my Twitter friends and I were whining musing about our lack of interesting keyword search results and @Matt_Conlon came up with the idea of a Blog Ring for crazy search phrases - either to report them or to inspire them.

Do you have interesting search results to share? Do you wish you did? (Come on, you know you do). Join us!

Go check your search results (or start a blog, you slacker!!). Click here: here. Post your craziest search to date and then go back and post something nutty on your blog to see if you can get even better results to report!

May Mom's Blog Hop

Here's the full list of the wonderful ladies participating in this year's May Mom Blog Hop. I invite you to visit their blogs. Such great, heartfelt, funny, poignant and wonderful blogs. I'm honored to be included among their ranks! I've also included their Twitter names, so you can keep in touch with them there. 

Nadia - Musings By The Light Of The Moon - @NadiaR13
Christine - All About Momsense - @ChristineMarie_
Crystal - Domestic But Not Martha - @DmstcBtNtMartha
Dana - The Sears Family  - @DanaSearsFam
Kimberly - All Work & No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something - @momgosomething
Corinne - Ode to Blogging - @CorinneOFlynn
Jennifer - JennHeffer - @jennheffer
Jana - The Bees Knees - @ohheyitsj
Deborah - The Truth About Motherhood - @TruthfulMommy
Ani - Anime's Musings - @ThatGirlAni
Julie - I Love Purple More Than You - @Gsnaps
Jill - Yeah. Good Times. - @jillsmo
Jacki  -What Did She Say? - @jackiyo
Brandi - The Adventures of a Dysfunctional Supermom - @DysfuncSupermom
Theresa - My Life As Taz - @RockOnMommies
Sara - Momma Findings - @sarann
Carrie - The Sweetest - @TheSweetest3
Debra - Write On Target - @debralynnlazar
Jen - Little Miss Mocha - @littlemissmocha
Amy - Transplanted Thoughts - @transplantedx3
Leslie - Leslie Gail's Blog - New Life Focus - @GR8lifecoach
Natalie - Mommy of A Monster - @mommyofamonster
Karmen - Family Sized Fun - @FamilySizedFun
JC - Little Animation  - @LittleAnimation
Adrienne - On the Road Less Taken - @adriennemay
Kelly - Go Go Gadget Zen - @modinkpeeb
Susan - Memoirs of a Writer -@narrawriter
Elizabeth - Mother's Gilt - @MothersGilt
Allana Pratt - Blog and Vlog Musings - @allanapratt
Kelley - Kelley's Break Room - @KelleysBreakRm
and me! @MrsPickle_

An Ode to Angelina Jean

First off, I'd like to thank Christine and Nadia for hosting this May Mom Blog Hop. Thirty-one of us are part of the hop, one posting on each day in May, in celebration of motherhood. I am honored to be included!

It has only just begun, and I've already found so many great new blogs and Tweeters. If you've missed any of the blog hop so far, be sure to check out:
Moments of Motherhood by Nadia
Respect, Appreciation and Love by Christine
May Mom Blog by Crystal, and
Motherhood Includes by Dana

Some of these posts have extolled the virtues of motherhood; how great, fulfilling and totally awesome it can be. I don't disagree, there are certainly moments that being a mother is very rewarding.

There are also plenty of times when it is exhausting, frustrating and just plain hard. I have had days where I tearfully tell my husband that if I were failing at anything else as badly as I'm failing at motherhood, I'd have given up by now.

I think the best thing I have discovered on Twitter is that I am not alone in this. Some days I comfort other mothers at their wit's end. Others, I vent my feelings to my virtual friends or cry on their distant shoulders. And their blogs? Fantastic. Helpful. Informative. FUNNY. Poignant. Real. If you're a parent, or even just a sympathetic bystander, you should definitely follow along this month.

__________________

Angelina, which means Angel, had a name picked out almost three years before she was born. I had dreams about her. I had always known she was coming, someday. I couldn't figure out why she had made me wait so long, until right before she was born.

As you may know, Angie saved my life and my sanity when she was born. After more than two years of trying, my husband and I finally conceived a child - only to lose it seven weeks later. It was a tubal pregnancy. I woke up from what was supposed to be a D&C to find out that one of my tubes had had to be removed. I spent weeks crying to Lenny that I was broken.

Then, six weeks after I lost the first baby, I was pregnant again! For a long time I still cried for "Peanut," but Angie was due on 7/7/07 which I prayed would bring us luck.

On June 5th, four weeks before she was due, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I've written several blogs about my experience, which was just about as fantastic as it could have been, if you're interested. That day my surgeon told me to expect to have Angie that week. My OB/GYN argued, successfully, that we could wait until Angie was at 38 weeks.

I was in labor for 56 hours. I have already informed my boss and my husband that I will never work on June 23rd again. Angie was almost named Angelina Staydol after the drug that kept me relatively pain free for all those hours. They couldn't do a C-Section, because I was to start chemo two weeks later.

Yet, I was still able to make bad jokes... I told my doctor. "Doc, if I don't have this baby soon, I'm going to have a Cancer." She groaned, "Wendy, only you could make that joke." (Angie was supposed to be a Gemini, but since she delayed so long she is a Cancer. Bad joke, I know, but women with cancer in labor for 56 hours have special dispensation.)

Then finally, Angie was born. Healthy, whole and perfect. I was so thankful. I was 35 when she was conceived, 36 when she was born. I had refused genetic testing. I had cancer for crying out loud. I knew that I was blessed.

Then, after she was born, instead of my very first thought in the morning being "I have cancer" it became "I have a little girl!". Instead of focusing on the horror of breast cancer at 36, chemotherapy and suggestions that I should have a double mastectomy, I had something much better to focus on - Angie. She saved my sanity.

Later I would realize that her timing had been perfect. Had I given birth in April with Peanut, I may not have found the cancer until it was too late. As it was, the tumor had gone from the size of a marble to the size of a golf ball in only three weeks. She saved my life.

Not to mention that since I was on maternity leave I could better manage my crazy cancer patient schedule and not have to deal with work too.

It's been almost four years now. I remain cancer free after my treatments. Angie is no longer a baby, but now a "big girl" with "big girl panties" to prove it.

My husband often accuses me of being too lenient with her. Maybe I am, but I hate incessant whining love her so much. Nothing makes me happier than to see her happy. That, or I use her as a cover so I can add to my stuffed animal collection. Although I would gladly give my life for this child, her first act was to save mine.

I have always believed that she chose me, I didn't choose her. I remind us both of that when I feel like I'm failing at being a good mom.

Remember, you chose me.

"Remember," I tell her, "you chose me."

Think about that for a moment. What if we do choose our parents before we're born. Why did you choose your mother, what lessons did she teach you? What lessons did you teach her? Why did your children choose you? You may think that you're doing all the teaching, but pause for a moment to appreciate all that they're teaching you.

What did Angie teach me? That sometimes timing is everything. That often we have to wait for things we desperately want. That everything happens in its own time. That love really is the answer.

Thank you sweetheart.

_________________________

Next up, is a blog by Kimberly at All Work & No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something. Be sure to check her blog out tomorrow!

Thank you for stopping by :)

A is for Angie!

I am the proud mother of a three and a half year old little monster. Her name is Angie.

If you don't have a kid, let me tell you... you're missing out on some interesting conversations.

A few weeks ago we were driving to school/work and she asks me "Mommy, are we here yet?"

"No baby, we're not... uh..."

"We're not here?"

"Yes, we're here..."

"Oh... good"

Obviously she got the best of me in that conversation.

Then there are the silly songs we all make up... like the Angie Song sung to the tune of that Copa Cabana song... Ok, ok, stop begging... I'll share it... [really, you're just embarrassing us both]

"Her name was Angie, Angie LaPlaca. She's the cutest kid on the block-a. She needs smack-bottoms... on her little butt. She is so cute, and she's really a hoot, her name is Angie... Angie LaPlaca!"

OK, so obviously having children can make you a little crazy. [See, now if I had the ability to do strikeout text I'd modify that sentence a bit...]. That's probably why I could have done a post entitled A is for Alcohol! Stay tuned for M is for Margaritas! :)

The A to Z Blogging Challenge

My friend Corinne O'Flynn convinced me to join Tossing it Out's A to Z Blogging Challenge. The challenge is to post each day in April, except Sundays, using the "letter of the day" to theme your post. Considering how often I've been updating my blog lately, I hope it make it to C... LOL

Everything happens for a reason

I am a huge believer in Fate or Destiny or perhaps more specifically (vaguely?) that everything happens for a reason. Yes, Corinne, I know you don't like that saying but I think it fits and I forget how you put it :)

A few seemingly unrelated things seem to be happening around me right now. I starting using Twitter in December, at least partially because of work. Through Twitter I've made some new friends, most especially Corinne who I have so much in common with it's almost frightening. To top it off, lo and behold she's a writer.

Did you know I once fancied myself to be a writer? In fact, it's been my lifelong dream. One of my goals in life was to be a published author... by the time I was 30. I'll be 40 in a month and all I have to show for it is a half-finished manuscript I wrote almost a decade ago.

Maybe you fell into my life, Corinne, to push me back on that path? I inspired someone to write once and ironically my awe at how well he wrote stymied my own writing. I actually had an active following for my story - I posted it as I wrote it to a bulletin board. And then one day I stopped writing and apparently that was that.

Now that I've finished school I don't have a ready excuse anymore not to get back to writing. I think I'll look into joining the A-Z Blogging Challenge to get my creative juices flowing again. I have lots to write about, and a "heart story" to tell, I just need to buckle down and chase my dreams - it seems to be in fashion this year.

So anyways, my muse - Corinne - awarded me a Blog Award today! As you can see, she's a very clever muse, what better way to get me writing again?

Thank you Corinne, for giving me a kick in the ass, even if you didn't know you were or that I needed one. You can find Corinne's blog here, at www.corinneoflynn.com. Yes, she's so cool she has her own domain name. :)

As part of accepting this award, I have to share seven things about myself. I'll not copy and paste Corinne's list here, although I could with few edits, so as not to appear too much like a fan girl or copy cat.

1. I collect books and stuffed animals. At the risk of psychoanalysing myself here, I grew up an only child who moved around about every two years. I carried around a teddy bear with me for at least part of my freshman year in high school. Shockingly I was not all that popular. Thus some of my best friends, if not stuffed, could be found within the pages of the books I read and collected. I think that's why I am so fond of series books, I get to spend more time with my friends through them.

2. I am the most outgoing shy person you will ever meet. Because we moved around so much when I was growing up I had to learn how to insert myself into social situations, and I can, but at heart I'm very shy.

3. As I mentioned, I've always been a writer, just not a very dedicated one the last several years. In my defense, I have been rather busy these last few years.

4. I am a total geek. I love technology, computers, gaming and gadgets of all shapes, sizes and functions. I have a computer, a laptop, an iPod and an iPad - and I'm not sure how I could function without all of them.

5. I used to dance in a cage upstairs at a bar called Yo Mama's in New Orleans. Not for profit, but because I loved doing it. I was divorced, I smoke, drank, was in damn good shape and I had the time of my life. No, I didn't strip. If you're ever in New Orleans check out Yo Mama's they have best burgers and baked potatoes in the city, they're right off Bourbon Street and upstairs there's a smoky little bar with a cage at one end of the room. It's very empowering. I highly recommend it, especially if you're trying to rebuild your life, self-esteem and physique. ;)

6. I am a breast cancer survivor. If you peruse my blog you'll find it peppered with stories about my experience. I had quite possibly the best experience one could ever hope for with cancer. That being said, I'd rather not do it again. I go again in April for my annual "let's hope it's not back" series of tests. This June will be my 4th anniversary from diagnosis. My daughter will also be 4 that month. Yes, I was pregnant when I was diagnosed.

7. Although I started college right out of high school, I just earned my Bachelor's in Business Administration last October. I will walk in May of this year. It wasn't all laziness on my part that it took me so long. Every time I started school some dramatic, life-changing event would come along to knock me off course.

Ok, enough about me, let's talk about you! As part of this award I get to hand out five of my own!

A very dear friend of mine, Elizabeth, writes a lovely blog she calls Lizzy Writes. Her blog is so well put together and just plain perfect that you may not want to visit it if you're prone to blog envy. In addition to being an excellent and inspiring writer, she's also an excellent cook and often shares recipes.

I tripped over It's like I'm Mmmagic... about a year or so ago. I don't know Brandy, the author, but her blog has really touched me several times. Sometimes she makes me laugh out loud and sometimes she brings me to tears. She's been going through a hard time lately and has blogged about it. It's very moving. She also posts anonymous notes from her readers in what she calls "the secret project". It's a way for people to share their secrets, and often get feedback. It's often hilarious, sometimes sad and always entertaining. Brandy writes like I think... if that makes any sense.

Thinking Too Hard is a blog I only recently started following, but it's very well written. It's also heavy on my mind tonight because of her most recent post - This is not allowed. I've been there. I love that she uses music like I do. I don't compose it, I use it to heal my soul and to bolster it when it's pulled down.

Then there's Clever Girl Goes Blog, as her tagline says "sarcasm never looked so good". Her posts are often laugh out loud funny and drip sarcasm - which I find utterly endearing. I've been lurking, reading her blog for at least a year, probably longer. Highly recommended.

And last, but not least, is Corinne's Blog - Inside Looking Out. Corinne's posts are always entertaining and witty. If you like me at all, you'll love her. She's the me I'm still trying to be.

Funny, I only actually know one of these fine ladies, but they have all touched my life in one way or another. Compared to their blogs, mine really isn't anything super special and, as I mentioned, is sadly neglected. But now that I have a muse again, maybe we can fix that.

Thank you for dropping by!

My friend's almost 100 followers contest

My friend Corinne O'Flynn is having a My *almost* 100 Followers Contest on her blog. As of this moment, she has 97 followers. I can understand her impatience though, if I had 97 followers I'd be excited too.

A shout out to my six followers, you rock!

Does anyone else misspell six as sex? Both times I typed it...

Anyways... where was I...

Oh yeah, so Corinne is having a contest and she's giving away Girl Scout Cookies. Seems like people have been talking about Girl Scout Cookies all day!

And I am nothing if not a supportive friend.

Speaking of support (this is really how my mind works) at dinner my husband was playing a game on my iPad and he says "Gravity really works against you," to which I replied "Yeah, I know" as I cupped my.... uh... well you get the picture.

Blogs

I read one of the most raw and heartbreaking blogs the other day. It was so beautifully written and so overwhelmingly pained that I found myself reading it several times. The author had closed comments, although honestly I'd not have known what to tell her anyways. I don't know her and I forget now how I even came across her blog in the first place, but she touched me. Today I followed up to find that things are better in her world, and again I am touched and happy for her - a total stranger.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a young friend who wanted to start her own blog. One of the reasons she cited was basically to be part of something bigger than herself. She mentioned a blogger who had suffered some great tragedy and of the blogging community that sprang into action to help her. She was fascinated and wanted to be part of that culture.

I wonder if that blogger was NieNie. Nie was in a terrible private plane crash with her husband about a year and a half ago. She suffered burns over 80% of her body and spent several months in a coma. She is blogging again about her incredible journey and the four children she and her husband have. Her blog is also heartbreaking and very raw.

It's incredible how people we haven't met, and likely never will meet, can touch our lives. Some in passing and others in deep and lasting ways.

This just the beginning my friends, 10 years ago we didn't have blogs or facebook or Twitter. Where will we be in 10 more years?

Who were you in high school?

About a year ago a friend asked me, completely out of the blue, what social groups I hung out with in high school. I never did ask him where in the world that question came from. He likely doesn't even remember at this point, but that question has plagued me since then. Well actually not that question - but more along the lines of who I was in high school and whether I've changed all that much. And further, if we're all just stuck in the same rut we started digging back then.

Well let's see... who was I in high school? Nobody. No really, you could probably poll everyone in my graduating class and not one of them would remember who I was.

Little known fact about me - I'm shy and often feel socially awkward. I am a total geek. I was in high school as well. Now that I'm older I am likely the most outgoing, gregarious shy and socially awkward person you'll ever meet. Often my attempts at small talk or what comes out of my mouth when I feel under pressure to say something, anything are pretty pathetic.

What else? I have always had an overwhelming need to be cool. Or more precisely for others to think I'm cool. Well I wasn't cool in high school and I'm really not cool now. I daydream about riding my motorcycle to work or anywhere really. I did own a bike, but sold it three years ago. Frankly I hadn't ridden it for a long time before that either.

I didn't have many friends in high school. This was at least partly because I had an abusive boyfriend who strongly discouraged me from having friends. I don't have many friends now either, despite my 121 friend count on Facebook. Perhaps that's why I'm fascinated with social networking, and before that with online gaming, and before that online chatting and role-playing. I now "know" people from around the world from all different places. Most of these people I've never met in person, but I know them from gaming or the breast cancer survivor group. Some I know from work, others I went to high school with, there are a few I just have picked up along the way - not really sure how, and I'm even friends with one of my husband's ex-girlfriends.

I really want people to like me, but I - ok this is going to sound pathetic - have been rebuffed and/or rejected so many times that I can be hard to get to know. Poor, sad little me, eh?

I liked to write in high school and I still do - so that's the same. I don't write trivial romance stuff anymore though. That's probably a good thing!

So, am I the same person today that I was in high school? Do we really ever grow up? No and yes. Despite the fact that I still exhibit many of the same characteristics I did in high school, I have come a long way. There's an awareness that comes maturing. I think the cancer had a lot to do with who I am today. So did my divorce many moons ago. These were big, life changing events - the kind that force you to grow up or go home, if you know what I mean. I imagine that I'll be different in another 10 or 20 years; look back and think how silly I was.

Maybe our core personality remains about the same, but we figure out ways around or through self-imposed limitations like being shy or fearing rejection.

Gosh, when I think about how often I mulled this over it seemed like such a big deal, but now that I've written it out... it just seems sort of silly actually.

To Blog or Not to Blog... Perchance to Rant

So, today's question is whether to start a blog, and further whether it should be anonymous or not. First off, I recommend blogging highly. It hones your writing skills, it gives you an outlet, it helps you memorialize your feelings and it prompts interesting discussions! If you're wondering whether you should start a blog or not, the answer is likely yes.

Now, should it be secret? That all depends on you, but be aware that it's not likely to be a secret or anonymous forever. I know that I'm pretty proud of my writing skills, so I am anxious to show my blog to people. At some point you lose track of who all you've shown it to too, and who they might have shown it to as well. I guess I figure why write it if you're not going to share it? Sure, random people may come along, read it and proclaim it to be the best thing they've ever read, but frankly that doesn't happen often. It's like buying the perfect outfit and never going out anywhere in it. Scan through my posts, I've written some fantastic stuff (or so I think) and very few comments. Only a few from anonymous posters that we'll assume tripped over me. You're likely not to be discovered as the next pop sensation while singing in your shower, and you're not likely to be revered for your prose hiding it somewhere on the Internet either.

Ok, so say you make a blog and you post links to it on your Facebook page. What if you want to write a rant? Happens to me all the time. All I can say is that just as some things are better left unsaid, some things are better left unwritten as well. Here's also a place to work on your writing and your communication skills. Explore why you're angry or upset. Blog about that. Maybe it'll open up passages to conversations you've been putting off. Maybe it'll help you realize what's really troubling you. I don't mean to sound sanctimonious, but writing (and blogging) does these things for me. I should do it more actually, it might help.

Don't be afraid of who you are, or of sharing that with people. We're all a work in progress. :)

Saying Thank You

A few weeks ago I had thank you cards made for all of the wonderful people I met during my journey with cancer. The text read "I'm often asked about my experience with breast cancer... and I always reply, I met the nicest people. Thank you for being one of those people." And it's true, I met some incredible people. I have the best doctors, they have the best staffs. And it made all of the difference.

Yesterday I had my quarterly visit with my Oncologist, Dr. Zafar. He and his staff all thanked me for the card and told me how much they appreciated it. I was glad I took the time to do it, because so often we don't properly thank the people in our lives who make the most difference. It's easy to take people for granted and I know I'm guilty of it, despite my attempts not to. (By the way, I"m still clean and healthy!)

So if you're reading this... Thank you. Thank you for caring. Thank you for allowing me to share little pieces of myself with you. Thank you for dropping in to see if I have anything interesting to say. Thank you if you laughed at any of my jokes. Thank you if I touched a small part of your heart with my stories.

On the topic of thank yous, my heart is touched by this one. The power of prayer is incredible. I have witnessed it personally and I'm happy to witness it from afar in this case. If you're the praying type, whisper a few words for the Nielson family and for two ladies named Deb who are struggling with cancer. I do several times every day.

Tomorrow I'll post about the other things I am grateful for. Today is all about you.

Parental Guidance Suggested

Warning: Today's blog's content may be disturbing and totally freak most men out.

If I've learned one thing about kids, it's that your life becomes all about distraction. The baby's crying, distract her! The child is tugging at you when you're working on homework, distract her!

So anytime you find something that will distract said child when she's fighting you to change her diaper, you're grateful!

Enter the tampon. Now every girl develops an obsession with tampons at some point in her life. It goes hand in hand with the whole "I'm a woman now!" thing that was exciting when we started hearing about it around 8 years old, and after it happened soon lost its luster as we realized it was just a messy, painful inconvenience. (yeah yeah, I get the whole portal of humanity concept, but still)

So Angie found a box of tampons under my sink and excitedly will grab a handful of them and parade around the house. It's very cute and funny to me, but freaks my husband out. One of them ended up in her room and I use it to distract her when changing her diaper - which is often a battle. Poor Lenny walked in the other day to see her playing with it and was all upset. It's still safely in its wrapper and really, it's sterile, or at least was before Monster Baby got a hold of it.

Here's a wonderful article about Elizabeth's brother and sister-in-law. Makes me look at my blog and cringe :)

I have blog-envy.

Stephanie Nielson aka NieNie sure did splash in a lot of puddles.

The article made me think about how NieNie's story was interrupted, but is now being retold across the media in such a positive light. God forbid something happen to me and this blog be my legacy, what a challenge the NY Times will have putting an inspirational spin on my tampon-toting baby story!

And I can just hear teenage-Angie now... MoooOooooMMM!!

hehe :)