"The Talk" we Never Got - Menopause #AtoZChallenge

I still remember way back in grade school when they split the girls off into a class to give us "The Talk" about what to expect when we got our periods.

I like how Ovulation is depicted here, LOL

Later (or perhaps earlier) we got "The Talk" about where babies come from.

(I haven't read this book, but I liked the picture)

But, I realized about nine years ago, no one ever gives us "The Talk" about Menopause. Instead one day your head catches on fire, you're in a crappy mood, depressed for no reason and realize you haven't had a period in far too long.

Welcome to Menopause!

I've actually done it twice; here's my favorite menopause story... I had started chemo for breast cancer and lost all of my hair. Then one day I realized that sometimes my head would just start SWEATING, for no reason. I wondered if maybe this had always happened, but I didn't notice it when I had hair. So I asked my bald, male friends. "Does your head just start to... sweat... for no reason?"

Yeah, they looked at me like you're looking at me now... "Uh... no...?"

So I mentioned it to my chemo nurse, who laughed and said "Oh honey, that's a hot flash."

Who knew?

If you haven't had a hot flash this is what it's like... normal, normal, norm- HOT, OMG IT'S 1,000 DEGREES IN HERE! OM... normal, normal.

Yes, out of the blue you suddenly feel like you're on fire. You break into a sweat at night, regardless of the temperature of the room, and are moody and depressed. You put on weight, especially around your waist, lose your libido and forget stuff.

My body recovered from the chemo-inducted menopause for a few years, and then I got to do it all over again. Yippee!

However, now that I'm on the other side, I have to say that menopause is one of the best things ever.

No periods, period!

Sure, I have a crappy memory and have to attach my keys to my wallet so I don't leave home without both. I'm moody with an annoying spare tire and a ton of anxiety, but those are all normal side effects that I can manage with attitude, True Focus (an herbal supplement), Essential Oils, Google and putting my phone to work for me.

It's possible that I am "a lean thinker" because of menopause; it really changes everything. But don't fear it, it's natural and happens to all of us. Embrace the perks - no periods, no birth control!

I found ways to manage the symptoms naturally, like Black Cohosh for hot flashes, St. John's Word for mood and exercise. Just be sure to talk to your doctor before taking any supplements, as some of them may affect other medication you take.

I am often surprised by women I talk to who feel something akin to shame or depression about menopause - it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's the start of the next phase in our lives, just like getting our period so many years ago was the first step into that phase of our lives. Embrace the change, because you can't avoid it.

Don't grow up, it's a trap #AtoZChallenge

I'm still waiting to really feel like "an adult". I pay bills, I own a home, I have a car loan, I have a husband and a child, I'm 45 now and yet most of the time I still feel like I'm just totally winging it.

So what does being "an adult" really mean? Well, here's a few things I've come up with...

• Ability to Google life's mysteries, like what to make for dinner.
• Ability to search YouTube for assistance, like figuring out how to use software or paint a tree.
• Willingness to take responsibility for your actions, your words and what you expect from yourself. 
• Remaining optimistic, but not naive. 
• Restraining pessimism. 
• Figuring out that road rage is a waste of time and energy. You'll get there when you get there, and bonus, you'll be alive. 
• Audiobooks help stave off road rage.
• Karma is real.
• (And it's going to get that jerk who cut me off...)
• Work with, and never, ever against, Murphy's Law. 
• Never say "never" - trust me on this one.
• The Universe likes to make you eat your words and especially likes the taste of "never".
• Life is not a competition or a race, it's a journey.
• No one gets out alive, so enjoy it.
• Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.
• Put everything in perspective - will [life-shattering-event] matter in six months or five years? Perhaps, but you'll be stronger for it, even if it sucks now.

Perhaps it all boils down to not losing your wide-eyed optimism and enjoyment of life :)

Don't grow up, it's a trap!

What are your adulting tips? 

Right here, right now... the challenge to be present #AtoZChalleng

Today's world is full of distractions - our Smart Phones are constantly beeping and vibrating, the radio is on, Facebook updates need to be read, blogs need to be written... the list goes on and on. On the surface, I don't really care all that much about these things, but fall victim to their lure all the time.

Oh hey, I just got a message, be right back...

And on and on it goes. I see it happening and I hate it, but it's like a tide pulling me in. I see my daughter succumbing to it as well. She doesn't stand a chance, she's never known a world without technology all around, constantly begging for attention. She doesn't understand why I can't pause live television - we don't have cable, so no DVR.

How do you fight the tide?

I'm Imperfect, but hopefully Interesting or at least an I word that means funny #AtoZChallenge

The older I get, the quirkier I get. I'm hoping I'm not alone in this... not being... irrational.

Yeah, sometimes coming up with a blog post is tough... until the next day when I think of all sorts of things I could have blogged about on the prior day's letter.

Irritating.

I guarantee that tomorrow morning the perfect I-themed post will pop into my head...

Like when I realized that for G I could have blogged about GodVille, my favorite ZPG. What's a ZPG? It's a zero player game. You don't actually have to actively play this game for it to happen. I've been playing it every day for about 10 months now. It's a wonderfully punny game.

Or.. oh yeah, I meant to blog about Gangster for G... as in Ain't it Good to be a Gangster from Office Space... dang it. Maybe I can blog about smashing a copier for S, or O or X! I should write that down.

So there's my rambling I post... chalk it up to my being eccentric... damn, that would have been a good E word...

Adulthood, or Something Like It #AtoZChallenge

If you're like me you have spent your life expecting that one day you'd finally be An Adult. You'd finally have it all figured out, stop making dumb mistakes and choices and feel confident in all of your decisions. Yup, there'd be that magical day when you'd never again sweat the small stuff, your advice would always be sound and your life would fit a pattern laid out in shows like The Brady Bunch.

Well, I have news for you... are you sitting down? Yeah... it's all a hoax.

That threshold, it doesn't exist. All those "adults" we've looked up to all our lives? They were just winging it too. They've just mastered the art of sounding like they know what the heck they're talking about.

But don't despair, this is actually good news. It means that when you make dumb decisions or find yourself struggling to "act your age" or agonize over "what to be when you grow up" (when you're technically already "grown up") that you're not alone.

Shrug it off, bounce back and keep trying. Tomorrow is another day. And in the meantime, work on that confident-sounding voice so others might think that you're An Adult.

Not quite a rainbow.... more of a rainblob (as Angie dubbed it)

Z is for Zombies (Surely you saw that coming) #AtoZChallenge

Zombies have become pretty popular these days - lots of books, movies and tv shows have cropped up. I've heard of Zombie Romance stories... but I have not read any. I'm sorry, but that's a cross over I think I can do without. Even if La Esmeralda can make zombie-ism look good (heck, she can make anything look good - she's gorgeous)

She likes a guy with brains...

Something about the whole zombie craze is pretty enjoyable though. I have certainly had fun with it :)

I have already blogged about the Joe Ledger series by Jonathan Maberry - which isn't all about zombies, in fact there's nary a zombie in several of the books. I'm still working through this series - I'm on book four Assassin's Code now and I have to tell you they just keep getting better. 

I decked out my husband's jeep in Zombie Outbreak Response Team stickers and that's a Zombie Hunting Permit there on the fender. I have one on my car too. Lenny gets lots of comments on his Jeep :)

Since we live so remote, one of the first things people typically say when the visit is that they're headed to our house when the zombies come. It should be a good location - we live in the desert, so we should be able to see them coming. And that's assuming they even make it out this way.

The only thing not "fun" about zombies, except for presumably the smell, getting infected or having one sneak up on you, is fast zombies. All I have to say is... I like my zombies slow. Fast zombies are too freaking scary. Give me the nice slow ones from The Walking Dead. The way the zombies ran, then piled up to climb walls in World War Z... shudder... no one likes fast zombies.

Wow, the last day of the challenge - I did it! Woohoo! If you're visiting from the challenge - congrats!

Q is for Quitting #AtoZChallenge

Sometimes quitting is easy, like when you stop working out. That's easy to do; unfortunately it's really hard to get started again.

But more often, quitting is hard... quitting smoking, quitting a relationship, quitting a job. Sure, we might fantasize about leaving a tough situation, or what life will be like after we make the change, but when it comes down to it more often than not those are the pivotal moments in our lives.

Thankfully I am not faced with a decision of such magnitude in my life right now - although I have been many times in the past.

But if you are, please allow me to offer this...

1. Will it matter in five years? Or even just one? Put yourself in "future-self's" shoes - when you look back at this time, what decision will make you proud, happy or breathe a sigh of relief?
2. Whatever it is... you're going to be OK. Believe that... one way or another you'll move past this and it will be OK.
3. You are not alone. If you feel like you are, join Twitter... seriously. Twitter is like being at a HUGE party where everyone is talking and I'm willing to bet you that no matter what problem you are facing, someone out there is talking about it. Search around, you'll find them. 
4. *hug* really, it'll be OK.

“Quitting is not giving up, it's choosing to focus your attention on something more important. Quitting is not losing confidence, it's realizing that there are more valuable ways you can spend your time. Quitting is not making excuses, it's learning to be more productive, efficient and effective instead. Quitting is letting go of things (or people) that are sucking the life out of you so you can do more things that will bring you strength.” 

― Osayi Osar-Emokpae, Impossible Is Stupid

N is for Negativity #AtoZChallenge

Negativity is something I - perhaps we all - battle every day; both within myself and from others. I have been trying to avoid it at all costs these days, even if that means avoiding certain people as much as possible.

See, negativity is like a fast moving virus... and if you don't stop it in its tracks, or avoid people plagued with it, it's easy to catch. I recently weaned myself off of anti-anxiety meds (Pristiq), so I'm really doing everything I can to avoid anything - or anyone - that might bring me down.

So, short post today. Avoid negativity - that is all :)

K is for... uh... a k word... #AtoZChallenge

Yeah... I couldn't think of any good K words to blog about. I have L all figured out though - there will be videos, dancing and music!! Be sure to come back on Monday!

But K... I guess there was Karma, but that's a little too deep of a topic for me tonight.

Last year I did Just Kaizen - and although I enjoy me some continuous improvement, and am a "Lean Leader" at work, I'm too tired to Kaizen tonight.

I covered Stephen King's books pretty thoroughly in last year's B is for Books, and periodically in other posts. King writes a lot of great books.

In 2012 I did K is for Twitter is Awesome - and it is, but sadly I haven't spent much time there lately. Plus, Twitter still doesn't start with a K...

In 2011 I did K is for Kleenex Karma - a classic. Three years later and I still feel strongly that "green" should never apply to tissues. Thankfully our Office Services Dept. relented and brought back Kleenex - perhaps as a result of that post? Hmmm?

This is the part where we find out if Chris and Lisa read my blog.

Oh crap... I just thought of a K word... Kid. Duh... oh well, here's a picture of my kid :)

The menu for Angie's trendy new restaurant - Spigedy Splits

K word... nailed it :)

The Plot to a Mystery... if only I knew the story.

This story is so surreal... it would make a great plot to a novel, if only I knew what the plot was.

A few weeks ago a woman, who must have been very distraught, made the decision to turn onto a rural divided highway going the wrong way. It was just after 10 p.m.. A Correctional Officer on his way home from work almost broadsided her when she made that fateful left turn.

Several other officers from the same shift encountered that car, barreling down Hwy 85 going the wrong way. The mystery lady traveled almost 10 miles down that dark stretch of highway. I imagine her sobbing, but have no idea who she was or what drove her to do what she did.

She almost hit at least four other officers before my husband came upon her. At first he thought the lights were a trick of the eye and must surely have been on the other side of the divided highway. Finally he realized that the car was in his lane and he had to bail off the highway onto the median to avoid an impact. The other car started to follow him off the road, but corrected itself.

Lenny looked back at what he could only assume was a drunk driver. Other cars were flashing their lights at the car, but he saw no taillights. He assumed the other car's taillights were out and wondered what he should - could - do, as he pulled back onto the road.

When he got home he was still shaken and concerned that he should have done something more... called 911 or DPS or something.

The next morning, early, another Correctional Officer called...

The woman, apparently (reportedly) suicidal, had turned her headlights off - perhaps after missing Lenny - so as not to miss the next car. Maybe that's why he didn't see taillights.

She rammed into another officer from Lenny's shift's car head on.

Both were killed on impact.

The officer, a young man married with a one year old daughter, never stood a chance. He never saw her coming.

I don't know who the woman was, but find myself fascinated by her. What was her story? What pushed her to drive 10 miles the wrong way down a dark highway and kill herself, taking a stranger with her? She almost hit at least five other vehicles in that time; that takes a level of determination I can hardly fathom.

As incredible as this story is, it never hit the news. For days I stalked the local news websites wanting to know more, but nothing.

I am extremely grateful that she didn't follow Lenny off the road. It's surreal... realizing that your life could have radically changed but for the snap decision of a stranger. And for someone else, it did.

Retrospection

I was asked to write an article for an upcoming issue of I-Merge Magazine about my experience with breast cancer. I have to tell you, it stirred up a lot of old emotions. I went back and looked at old blog posts and the letter I sent out to at least 50 people with my little breast cancer duckies and.... wow... I was laughing, I was tearing up...

I am so lucky and I don't truly appreciate that enough. I am lucky that I had such a great experience and met so many wonderful people. I am lucky to have had a wonderfully supportive husband - when so many do not. I was lucky to have beat cancer period, and to have done it laughing (for the most part) all of the way. Each sad story had a glimmer of humor to it...

Like when Lenny shaved my head, and I later took the vacuum hose to my head because all of the little hairs falling out drove me crazy.

When I wore that silly x-ray robe over my belly when I got my mammogram (because I was pregnant).

When all of my eyelashes fell out, except for one. ONE! So I plucked that stupid thing. Rebel hair...

How nice it was not to have to shave my legs for a few months. Normally, after just one day I'm stubbly.

When I asked my male, bald co-workers if their heads just randomly started to sweat and they looked at me like I was crazy. Then later, when my chemo nurse told me that I was having hot flashes... OH.... heh...

And when my old boss asked me why I'd shaved my head when we were in a meeting, because he had no clue I was battling cancer (and apparently that idea hadn't dawned on him. "Ok... Wendy had a baby, then shaved her head... that's odd...")

Or when I "dedicated" songs to cancer... like Christina Aguilera's Fighter. (Makes me that much stronger, Makes me work a little bit harder, It makes me that much wiser, So thanks for making me a fighter)

And when I'd cry all the way home from work because it was the only time I was by myself and didn't have to be "strong" for everyone else. Then I'd listen to Beautiful (also by Christina) and see how far I could get into the song before just totally losing it. I was beautiful... and bald.

And the people I met along the way, and am still meeting, because of cancer... wow... amazing people.

But still, I'd like very much not to do it again. Five... almost six... years out from all treatment. My fingers are crossed!!

Pissing off my... F is for Future Self #AtoZChallenge

My favorite blog is still thisisnotthatblog.com (sorry other bloggers, I love you too). She posted one awhile back entitled past self and future self with a plea to her past self to stop being such a dick... (yes, you should go look - it's a cartoon. Yes, I'll wait).

I think of that post often, because it portrays exactly what I do to myself all the time. I make a habit of pissing off my future self. 

For example, in the mornings I am frustrated with my past self for not sticking to my diet, or not exercising, or not being all around awesome. So I set off determined that today I will stick to my diet, exercise, be nice to everyone... that whole all around awesome thing...

Rinse, repeat. 

Yes, yes, I know every day is a new day. But I already know that Future Self is not going to be pleased with me come morning... 

Sometimes I even think about how irritated Future Self is going to be, but Present Self typically isn't swayed.

*sigh*

Egg Update: It's not easy being an Easter egg...

Today's Photo Prompt: Plate - this was my mother's

C is for Cloud Atlas #AtoZChallenge

I recently read (listened to) Cloud Atlas, by David Mitchell. I admit, it started off not only a little slowly for me, but practically right in the middle of an ongoing story. In other words, it didn't start off with any real introduction or back story, but in the middle of a journal as it was being written.

That being said, I thought it was an excellent novel. I haven't seen the movie yet, but plan to. The premise of the novel is that everything is connected - our actions, good or bad, affect those around us and ultimately history. It also toys with the concept of reincarnation, without actually every directly discussing it.

These are concepts I've been musing about lately. I'm currently reading (listening to) Time and Again by Jack Finney and just finished To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis. Both are excellent, and both deal with time travel, which is a pretty interesting concept.

By the way, Time and Again by Jack Finney was recommended by Stephen King at the end of 11-22-63 (mentioned yesterday). Everything is connected... huh? huh? :)

So, do I think time travel is possible? Yes... I agree with the theory that time is not an absolute, but can be manipulated. Do I believe in reincarnation? Yes, I believe we have lessons to learn, and each life is a new lesson. This fits in with so much of what I have observed and what I believe.

Anyways, back to the books, I found myself sort of irritated with one of these novels in that someone went back in time and caught a bus, observed an event and left. They didn't change history... or did they? By catching that bus - no one got on the bus with them, so the bus stopped for them - the caused a string of small ripples that affected countless others. Perhaps someone had originally missed the bus, but now they made it. I think about things like this when I just can't seem to leave on time in the mornings, then pass a bad accident on the road that I missed by only moments.

Have you read any books lately that have challenged you to think outside of your box? What do you think about time travel?

Oh... and would you believe that today's photo prompt is "Future".

What better symbol of the future is there, than the face of our children? 

Mondays

I think we can all agree that Mondays often leave a lot to be desired. Well, from now on you can think to yourself..

"Hmmm today sucked, but at least I didn't get shot with pepper spray!"

That's right, Lenny got pepper sprayed right in the face this morning. Don't worry, it was on purpose and he knew it was coming - it was part of his training to be a Correctional Officer. But still... pepper spray isn't the best way to wake up in the morning... I'll take my coffee, thank you.

In other news - I have yet to finish my first painting, but have started on my second...

I call it... Monday Morning. Or Remember to wash new paintbrushes before you use them.

Yes, the canvas is all black. I'm actually prepping it to paint something similar to the picture at the bottom, although I probably won't actually work on this one next. I think it's be cool to paint on a black canvas - can't wait!

Everyone has been super supportive of my new hobby - thank you!

Finally, for you sunset lovers...

Tonight's Sunset

So remember folks, next time you have a rough Monday... at least you didn't get pepper sprayed. Unless you did, of course. In that case... well... hopefully that's the worst part of your day.