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Showing posts with label crackpot ideas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crackpot ideas. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Adulthood, or Something Like It #AtoZChallenge


If you're like me you have spent your life expecting that one day you'd finally be An Adult. You'd finally have it all figured out, stop making dumb mistakes and choices and feel confident in all of your decisions. Yup, there'd be that magical day when you'd never again sweat the small stuff, your advice would always be sound and your life would fit a pattern laid out in shows like The Brady Bunch.

Well, I have news for you... are you sitting down? Yeah... it's all a hoax.

That threshold, it doesn't exist. All those "adults" we've looked up to all our lives? They were just winging it too. They've just mastered the art of sounding like they know what the heck they're talking about.

But don't despair, this is actually good news. It means that when you make dumb decisions or find yourself struggling to "act your age" or agonize over "what to be when you grow up" (when you're technically already "grown up") that you're not alone.

Shrug it off, bounce back and keep trying. Tomorrow is another day. And in the meantime, work on that confident-sounding voice so others might think that you're An Adult.

Not quite a rainbow.... more of a rainblob (as Angie dubbed it)

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Pissing off my... F is for Future Self #AtoZChallenge

My favorite blog is still thisisnotthatblog.com (sorry other bloggers, I love you too). She posted one awhile back entitled past self and future self with a plea to her past self to stop being such a dick... (yes, you should go look - it's a cartoon. Yes, I'll wait).

I think of that post often, because it portrays exactly what I do to myself all the time. I make a habit of pissing off my future self. 

For example, in the mornings I am frustrated with my past self for not sticking to my diet, or not exercising, or not being all around awesome. So I set off determined that today I will stick to my diet, exercise, be nice to everyone... that whole all around awesome thing...

Rinse, repeat. 

Yes, yes, I know every day is a new day. But I already know that Future Self is not going to be pleased with me come morning... 

Sometimes I even think about how irritated Future Self is going to be, but Present Self typically isn't swayed.

*sigh*

Egg Update: It's not easy being an Easter egg...
Today's Photo Prompt: Plate - this was my mother's

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Unicorns vs. Zombies - #AtoZChallenge


I've had this discussion/argument several times... if zombies were to go up against unicorns who would prevail?

Several people argue that the unicorns would win because they have magic.
Rumor has it that they poop rainbows

On the other hand, Zombies are pretty much indestructible, and could easily fend off rainbow pooping glorified goats (thanks Bridget!).

Even if they puked rainbows...

Or pooped marshmallows 

(Sorry, that picture was too perfect not to share)

However, no matter what argument unicorn lovers come up with, there are two things they cannot argue...

1. Chances are we'd end up with Zombie Unicorns

Unicorn Zombie

2. Unicorns aren't real, but we all know Zombies are...

If you have an alternative argument, let's hear it! :)
_____________________

Today's photo prompt just doesn't work well with my U topic... "something you're grateful for". (No, sorry, not grateful for unicorns, nor zombies)

Since it's some "thing," not someone, that I am grateful for I'd have to say it's my digital camera... I love it. And I have to say that I am super grateful for digital cameras period because I have taken roughly 13,000 pictures in the last five years. Can you imagine if I had to purchase and pay to develop that much film??? 

But, since this is a photo a day challenge, here's a recent picture that I thought was cute :)

NomNom watching Dad play WOW

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Migraine Pantie Packs

I had a horrible headache today. It felt like twin chisels being pounded into my temples. I mentioned this on Twitter and a helpful tweep suggested that Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxer and works great for headaches.

Good to know. I could have used a handful today.

Note to self: Buy Magnesium.


So I mention this to my friend Andrea who suffers from migraines a lot. She tells me about cervical injections that the AZ Pain Center offers for permanent migraine relief.

Apparently men may be on to something when they suggest that sex relieves headaches.

Andrea confirmed this - orgasms are a proven natural remedy for migraines (she is the expert) but the pain returns when the afterglow fades.

So this gets me thinking...

If orgasms cure headaches the manufacturers of those vibrating panties should jump all over that.

Yes, I am a marketing genius (actually, Andrea and I are a formidable team when presented with an opportunity - watch out world).

Imagine this... Migraine Pantie Packs!

Each kit includes: One pair of vibrating panties, one bottle of Magnesium, Valerian (another herbal known to help with headaches), Sprite (for the accompanying nausea), caffeine pills, a heating pad, ice mask/light blocker, ear plugs and a sign for your doorknob that reads "Go the F*@& Away, RIGHT NOW!"

Frequent migraine sufferers could have one Migraine Pantie Pack at work and one at home.

I'm thinking that the panties and Magnesium might come in handy for particularly stressful days at work period, headache or no... (just sayin').

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Dear 16-year-old Me

Have you seen this video? It's about melanoma and it's very well done.


I was thinking about this video last night, actually, and what I would tell my 16-year-old-self if I had the opportunity. 

I started making a list... and then I thought... gosh, if I changed even one small detail I might not have met Lenny. I might not have Angie. I wouldn't dare change anything that might lead to me not having both of them in my life. Sure, I might have avoided some troubling times, but they all helped make me who I am today.

And I like who I am. 

So how about if I go back to last-week me and give myself the Powerball numbers for this week instead? :)

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Twitter won't interfere with your work, and other lies


Once upon a time, not really all that long ago, personal computers were created. They were at once similar and vastly different than the computer - or perhaps mobile device - you're reading this on today. These were the dark days, before there was an Internet. Almost hard to believe, huh? Back then the closest thing there was to the Internet was something called a Bulletin Board System (BBS) which was run by a SYSOP (System Operator). Yes, they were dark days indeed.

Then came AOL. Chatrooms! We could converse with people from all over, it was incredible!

Fast forward to the dawn of Facebook. (Let's just skip over.. uh what was it? Oh, MySpace). Finally a way for lazy people to keep in touch with family and friends from all over. Not to mention build virtual farms and slay virtual thugs. And a place to share photos, or be tagged in photos, that you'd really rather your mom didn't see...
Holy cow, your mom is on Facebook! And.. shit.. so is your dad. 

Then businesses started to show up on Facebook. Who follows businesses on Facebook? Pfff.. wait... they offer cool stuff? OK, I'm in.

Why yes, I do want to be the Featured Oreo Fan of the week...

Best Buy? Let's bash on them publically! Oh hey, they actually repond. Wow.

Then came Twitter. What the heck is a Tweeter? Your mom isn't there. Neither is your dad. But @ShitMyDadSays is... and he was so popular he wrote a book.

I have a copy. So does your dad, who we all know rarely says anything worth publishing. Oh well.

Twitter. Mini-blogging. Who the heck wants that? How booooooring. Hey wait... there are some pretty cool people on there. Ok, I'll try it. Hey... this isn't so bad. I got tech support from my phone company - holy cow! Maybe there's something to this.

And so it begins. You've discovered Twitter and suddenly it's like you found the back door to a secret club full of really cool people. Even for a complete geek it can initially be intimidating, and then someone follows you. Eventually they retweet you. You're hooked. Got to get to 100 followers. Then 200. Then 500.

Your mom asks you about Twitter. You tell her there's a monthly fee. She's not interested. Yes!

Then you tell your boss that your company should totally be on Twitter. "What's a Twit?" he asks. You try to explain. You try again. You give up and ask him to trust you. He tells you to go ahead, but don't let it interfere with your other work. You assure him it won't. We all know that was a lie. That's ok, you're not alone.

Welcome to the Age of Twitter. If you're lucky, you'll meet some great folks who will support you, entertain you, help you, tutor you and ultimately make you wish that you all lived on the same block.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Updates on Jealousy, Poop and Binkies

An update on the Jealousy Makes me Blog Crazy Things post, to the left are the latest search keywords people used to find my blog.

Karma Kleenex - ok, I did post a blog about that, but um... who searches for it?

Nookie on the stairs? No clue. We live in a single story house, for one, and secondly I haven't ever blogged about stairs or nookie that I can recall...

And Yes! Poop! Success!!! I'm not sure who Googles poop, but there you have it!

You too are welcome to join the WTFHUH??? Blog Ring. We're comparing odd search results, and maaaybe trying to inspire new ones. It's like Google Fishing. LOL.

In other news, the binkies are all gone now. We are finally binky free! I was almost ready to give up hope. In the end, a week of cold turkey worked, even when she found one of her old, yucky, chewed up binkies. So if you're struggling with your own Binky Saga, there is hope!

Just to be sure, the two remaining binkies have uh... disappeared, never to return.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Jealousy Makes Me Blog Crazy Things

Yesterday evening I was catching up on my blog reading and I stumbled onto a new one - this is not that blog by Kendall. Her most recent post started off with the warning that today was probably not the best day to start reading her blog.

I had perfect timing, as usual!

That particular post is entitled "bear suits make everything better" and OMG is it funny!

You should go read it.

Yes, right now. Go. I'll wait. Trust me, the rest of this blog will only make complete sense if you do.

Funny, huh?

She and Little Animation - The Animated Woman make me wish I could draw. You want to go look at that blog too? Fine. I'll wait...

Ok, so anyways, if you blog you know that you can go look to see what search keywords were used to find your blog.

You didn't know that? You want to go check your search keywords right now? Fine... I'll wait...

Back? OK good. So, most of the search terms are pretty tame, but occasionally you get a really interesting one. Well, I should say some people do, my results are above and and as you can see not much exciting there.

Alright, sure, "im a cage dancer" is kind of interesting, but not nearly as cool as "fuck your shit i'm in a bear suit" or finding out that your blog is getting repeated hits from a website for people who have a fetish for getting stuck to things, like @Moooooog35.

Yes, you should go read that blog post too, but it can wait until you're done here.

So some of my Twitter friends and I were whining musing about our lack of interesting keyword search results and @Matt_Conlon came up with the idea of a Blog Ring for crazy search phrases - either to report them or to inspire them.

Do you have interesting search results to share? Do you wish you did? (Come on, you know you do). Join us!

Go check your search results (or start a blog, you slacker!!). Click here: here. Post your craziest search to date and then go back and post something nutty on your blog to see if you can get even better results to report!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Binky Down... Binky Down!

Angie's almost four now, and still addicted to her Binky. She's only allowed Binky at nap and bedtime, but if given the opportunity she'll sneak it like a reluctantly reformed smoker. She's very good at it. I'm always torn between being impressed with her sneaky skills, appalled at her still wanting that darn thing and concerned about her sneaky skills...

As I've mentioned before, it's a hard habit to break. I had decided that once we got potty training down pat (a work in progress and the topic Thursday's blog) we'd tackle the Binky Situation. However, I have kept my eyes open for good suggestions on how to break the habit, once the time comes.

A few of the many:

  • Attach it to a balloon and release it (All Binkies Go to Heaven?)
  • Hang them on a Binky Tree
  • "Donate" them to a baby who doesn't have a binky
  • If given the opportunity, pretend it was lost
  • Trade it for a much wanted toy
For at least a year now, I have refused to replace her now chewed and broken binkies, in hopes that she'd give them up on her own - no luck. Up until this morning there were three of them in the house. Now there are two. 

This morning, after Angie went potty, green binky fell out of her mouth as she was flushing the toilet. Whoops! She immediately started lamenting its loss, "Binky!" she yelled plaintively down the toilet after it. I looked, gone. Poor kid. 

It was all I could do not to laugh. #meanmommy

Now I'm secretly plotting the demise of the other two... 

I figure if they meet with some tragic fate, right before her eyes, maybe she'll be more accepting. After her crying fit this morning, she said "Oh well," and later mentioned that green binky was gone now when I picked her up from school. (There's hope!)

In other news, did you know that it's against the law for 4 year olds to have a binky? (Plan B) True story... 

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Z is for Zoo

OK, I'm stretching things a bit.. I'm not really going to blog about the zoo - not that there's anything wrong with that. Nope, today I'm going to tell you the story of how BaZooka Joe let me down. Thanks to @LakeLopez.


When I was about 7 or 8 I knew that as soon as my father got home, I was in for a spanking. I have no recollection of what my offense was. I didn't get spanked too often that I can recall. Typically the fear of getting a spanking was more than enough.

So this one time, thanks to a Bazooka Joe cartoon on a gum wrapper (remember those?), I got the brilliant idea to put a hard cover Nancy Drew book down my pants to serve as a barrier between my bottom and my father's hand.

Bad idea.

Sure, it might work in the cartoons, but in real life your father feels the distinctly book-like shape with the first smack, pulls the book out and proceeds to spank you with the book.

It's the only spanking I remember from my childhood. Not that it was memorably painful, at least not to my bottom. No, it was one of those "best laid plans" tales gone awry. I'm sure it just thrills my father that it's now one of my favorite childhood stories. LOL

And that, my friends, brings us to the end of the A-Z Blogging Challenge. I'm pretty proud that I hit every single letter, on time. Sure, my topics were all over the place, but it has been a lot of fun. Plus, I've made several new friends and found a bunch of new blogs to follow!

Next up, the May Mother's Blog Hop. If you're interesting in joining in please contact @ChristineMarie on Twitter or let me know and I'll get you the info :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Q is for Quest

Surely you've read at least one book that involved an epic quest. There were probably cryptic prophesies, perhaps some sorcerers and magic thrown in for flavor. A coming of age or fate driven book leading up to one paramount choice or act that determines the fate of the main character, or perhaps the entire universe.

No pressure, right?

David Eddings' Belgarad Characters found here

Did you ever wonder if perhaps you are on a quest, but no one told you? No one gave you an old scroll that gave you riddled instructions. Magic is pretty scarce. You might get occasional glimpses of some greater purpose or theme or path forward, but overall you're basically feeling your way towards some unknown goal without much guidance about what's expected of you.

Perhaps sometimes you find yourself waiting for... something. You're not sure what, but somehow you're certain that it's right around the corner. You just have to be patient. Unless you do that one thing that changes your course and takes you in a different direction. If only you'd been more patient, you might think, looking back.

But no, what happened happened for a reason, you just don't understand it yet. You will someday though. You'll look back and think two things... "Oh, now I get it" and "Geez, was I really upset over that?" The whole "will this {insert horrible current circumstance/event/thing} matter in five years?" concept. To which I typically think "no... but it sure the hell pisses me off right now!"

Anyways, where was I? Oh, right, do you ever think you're on some mysterious quest where the fate of the world rests upon your shoulders and you have to choose the right path or the whole world will just go up in flames?

Yeah, me neither...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Theory on Snot

Every time I have a cold I recall my Theory on Snot (Patent Pending). I've actually proposed this theory to my doctors, and they all look at me like I'm crazy. They may be right, but hear me out...

You know how you tend to lose weight when you're sick? OK, hold that thought.

And WHERE does all that snot come from anyways? I mean really. You have a really bad cold, you haven't been able to hardly eat or drink in days and your nose continues to run C O N S T A N T L Y. Boxes of tissue are used. You blow your nose every two minutes. Your bedroom floor is covered in tissues and still your nose continues to run.

OK, so this is where my theory comes in. What if snot is actually fat cells? It makes sense. You lose weight when your sick and there's really no where else for the snot to come from or anything else it could possibly be, right?

Or perhaps it's just my way of making myself feel better when I've blown my nose for the gazillionth time. But next time you have a cold think of all the extra weight you're getting rid of each time you blow your nose and tell me that it doesn't make you feel just a little bit better.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Good to Great - on a global scale

The world is getting smaller every day as technology brings us closer together, gives us the ability to communicate better and makes international travel easier than ever before. However, as the world gets smaller we have come to depend upon, and we affect, each other more – as our recent worldwide recession has shown us. No longer is each country encapsulated and insulated from what’s happening in the rest of the world; it’s become clear that we’re all in this together. OK, so where do we go from here? Is it even plausible that we might work together as an international community? Perhaps, but where do we start?

The concept of one currency, on the surface, seems to have great appeal and many benefits, but a single currency is an end result, not a starting point. Before a single currency can even be considered we have to look at why it wouldn’t work and remedy those issues. One of the biggest problems is that some countries are very poor while others are very rich. There is a huge disparity between our countries – let’s start there. Let’s build teams of people from around the world to help poor nations build infrastructures which would ensure clean drinking water, irrigation, electricity and sewage. Build schools, working with locals to preserve their heritage while teaching their youth skills that they can use to get their families out of poverty.

The funding to bring third-world nations into the 21st century would come from contributions from the world’s richer countries. Each country would also be able to hire people onto this international team, so that no one nation is controlling, or paying for, these efforts. If the world is going to strive towards being an international community, first we must ensure that we all share the same basic standard of living. This will take us many years to accomplish and will likely start off with a lot of quarreling over who will do what, how much it will cost and perhaps even overcoming resistance from countries that may not want their quality of living improved to our standards. One very important point to consider as we begin this endeavor is that it’s for the benefit of the world as a whole and that there is no hidden agenda. Perhaps a portion of the military budgets for the world’s countries could be channeled to this effort.

Let’s say, for example, that the world as a whole were to come to a crisis – like an alien invasion – it’s highly probable that we, as a world, would come together and present a united front against a global enemy. So why can’t we work together now? Perhaps the answer is that we’re not threatened and have no crystal clear common goal. So let’s task the United Nations with determining just what our common goals are; to determine the best course of action for our world as a whole, because surely there are several. We’ll solicit the advice of top minds from around the world on topics from the global economy to health and wellness to agriculture and far beyond.

As Jim Collins in his book Good to Great suggest, we need to confront “the brutal facts, yet never lose faith” (Collins, 2001). If we look at the world as a large corporation that has various profit centers, or silos, that sometimes compete, perhaps it’ll make this process seem a bit more manageable. As the global community becomes goal oriented in the same direction, issues like trade and capital flows, exchange rates and international disagreements will begin to lose effect.

There has to be a happy medium that we can all agree to, a basic standard of living and level of tolerance that will work for us all, because in the end regardless of religion, color, heritage, political views and agendas we’re all human, we all share the same Earth and we all have the same basic needs for food, shelter and security. A determined melding of technologies, research, resources and finances could have limitless potential for good for all of humankind. As a world we should improve education, and perhaps offer incentives for students to attend colleges in other countries and learn other languages, and through that education break down some of the barriers related to misunderstandings or intolerance to other cultures.

It seems that the world is slowly coming to this conclusion, but is it fast enough? Will we learn our lesson from this global recession and make determined steps towards ensuring that it doesn’t happen again? Let’s hope so. And eventually, through much trial and tribulation, perhaps the world can also move from Good to Great.