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Showing posts with label embarassing stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embarassing stories. Show all posts

Sunday, April 17, 2016

"The Talk" we Never Got - Menopause #AtoZChallenge

I still remember way back in grade school when they split the girls off into a class to give us "The Talk" about what to expect when we got our periods.

I like how Ovulation is depicted here, LOL

Later (or perhaps earlier) we got "The Talk" about where babies come from.

(I haven't read this book, but I liked the picture)

But, I realized about nine years ago, no one ever gives us "The Talk" about Menopause. Instead one day your head catches on fire, you're in a crappy mood, depressed for no reason and realize you haven't had a period in far too long.

Welcome to Menopause!

I've actually done it twice; here's my favorite menopause story... I had started chemo for breast cancer and lost all of my hair. Then one day I realized that sometimes my head would just start SWEATING, for no reason. I wondered if maybe this had always happened, but I didn't notice it when I had hair. So I asked my bald, male friends. "Does your head just start to... sweat... for no reason?"

Yeah, they looked at me like you're looking at me now... "Uh... no...?"

So I mentioned it to my chemo nurse, who laughed and said "Oh honey, that's a hot flash."

Who knew?

If you haven't had a hot flash this is what it's like... normal, normal, norm- HOT, OMG IT'S 1,000 DEGREES IN HERE! OM... normal, normal.

Yes, out of the blue you suddenly feel like you're on fire. You break into a sweat at night, regardless of the temperature of the room, and are moody and depressed. You put on weight, especially around your waist, lose your libido and forget stuff.

My body recovered from the chemo-inducted menopause for a few years, and then I got to do it all over again. Yippee!

However, now that I'm on the other side, I have to say that menopause is one of the best things ever.

No periods, period!

Sure, I have a crappy memory and have to attach my keys to my wallet so I don't leave home without both. I'm moody with an annoying spare tire and a ton of anxiety, but those are all normal side effects that I can manage with attitude, True Focus (an herbal supplement), Essential Oils, Google and putting my phone to work for me.

It's possible that I am "a lean thinker" because of menopause; it really changes everything. But don't fear it, it's natural and happens to all of us. Embrace the perks - no periods, no birth control!

I found ways to manage the symptoms naturally, like Black Cohosh for hot flashes, St. John's Word for mood and exercise. Just be sure to talk to your doctor before taking any supplements, as some of them may affect other medication you take.

I am often surprised by women I talk to who feel something akin to shame or depression about menopause - it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's the start of the next phase in our lives, just like getting our period so many years ago was the first step into that phase of our lives. Embrace the change, because you can't avoid it.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

X is for X-Ray #AtoZChallenge

I'd like to say that I messed up the order of the alphabet on purpose, but I didn't. Whoops!

But it works out ok because today I got an X-Ray. Why? Because a week after the infamous Kaboom incident I started hurting rather badly, so I figured I should make sure I didn't break anything.

The good news is: I didn't.

The bad news: I really don't feel any better - at least not physically - but at least I know I didn't do any real damage, so that's something.

Tomorrow is the last day of the AtoZChallenge - almost there! Now I just need to think of a Z word...

In other news, my best friend was in town over the weekend. We did the math and determined that we've been friends for TWENTY YEARS! Wow! Since we were 9!

What?

OK... since we were 19! (give or take)

She left yesterday - I miss her already.



Monday, April 21, 2014

R is for Rear #AtoZChallenge

Yesterday we stopped at the store to pick up a few things...


Within an hour of getting home, one of these items had me crashing to the floor. It's probably not the most obvious choice...

The other day I blogged about O is for OxiClean - a review for a product that I really love. Someone suggested in the comments that their shower cleaner - Kaboom - worked really well. So, I thought I'd give it a try. 

I have tried just about everything on my shower doors to cut through the soap scum and mineral deposits, so I sprayed and sprayed them with the Kaboom. The smell is obnoxious - I was coughing and gagging. Then I went to get out of the shower and...

Oh, there was a KABOOM alright...
I fell so hard that Angie heard me land across the entire length of the house. My hip/butt hit the shower door track, my ankle, elbow and head hit the walls and somehow I hit my knee too. 

I refrained from taking/posting a picture of my bruise, although it is very large and very colorful. You're welcome.

So... public service announcement folks... Kaboom is slippery. Actually, any cleaner sprayed in the shower probably is - so be careful out there. Otherwise you too might fall on your rear. 

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Weighing In

One of the (many!!) differences I have noticed between men and women is weighing ourselves.

For example: I only weight myself first thing in the morning, completely nude, after going to the bathroom, with dry hair - sometimes I will even take my watch off, you know, just in case it adds a little bit of weight.

On the other hand, my husband will weigh himself at night, fully dressed, wearing work boots, after dinner... then the next morning prior to taking a shower he'll jump on the scale and look astonished at his miraculous weight loss from the night before... which he promptly writes off saying "well, I did just poop" and then merrily goes about his day.

Me, I'm still agonizing that he weighted less than me the prior night... *sigh*

My goal weight: 2 pounds less than him, whatever that may be.

It's a good thing I love him so much :)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

E is for Ecstatic and Ew


I have been trying to find the perfect "E" word all day. Most of the suggestions I've received are far too expressive or energetic for my energy levels today. Others were eccentric, egotistical or euphoric. After starting E is for Ew, E is for Expressions, E is for Exhausted and E is for Words that Contain E, but don't start with E, I decided to combine them into one Extravaganza - or, you know, entry.

After three and a half years, I am ecstatic that Angie has finally decided to potty train. We'd almost given up hope and had determined that the silver lining to investing in Pull-Ups and (later) Depends for the rest of our lives would pay off when she got to high school and the boys wouldn't date her. I mean, no one wants to date the girl who wets herself, picks her nose, farts a lot and eats dog food, right? After careful deliberation, Lenny and I determined that we were ok with that.

But, in one last attempt, I bribed her. Yes, I had to bribe her - and it worked! Sort of... I bought several small presents - Pez dispensers, plastic jewelry, crayons, coloring books, stick on tattoos, etc. Pink presents were for successfully peeing on the potty. Purple presents for pooping on the potty. It has been about a month now. All of the pink presents are long gone, but we still have several of the purple ones...

Which brings us to Ew... I always have to laugh when people who don't have children (but are about to) tell me how squeamish they are. Parenthood is not for sissies, and if you are a sissy or squeamish - well, you won't be for too long after they're born. Between diaper changes, snotty noses and instinctively cupping your hands to catch projectile vomit at 2 a.m., it doesn't take long.

Anyways, back to Ew, Angie still isn't comfortable pooping on the potty. I have no idea why. I make up pooping songs. I assure her that not only does everyone poop, but that it's fun. I have begged, cajoled, wheedled, offered special Dora popcicles and bribed her, all to no avail. We've had celebrations when she's successfully pooped on the potty, yet she will sneak off to poop in her pants in her closet if given the chance. I don't get it, but... well... Ew.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Everything happens for a reason

I am a huge believer in Fate or Destiny or perhaps more specifically (vaguely?) that everything happens for a reason. Yes, Corinne, I know you don't like that saying but I think it fits and I forget how you put it :)

A few seemingly unrelated things seem to be happening around me right now. I starting using Twitter in December, at least partially because of work. Through Twitter I've made some new friends, most especially Corinne who I have so much in common with it's almost frightening. To top it off, lo and behold she's a writer.
Did you know I once fancied myself to be a writer? In fact, it's been my lifelong dream. One of my goals in life was to be a published author... by the time I was 30. I'll be 40 in a month and all I have to show for it is a half-finished manuscript I wrote almost a decade ago.

Maybe you fell into my life, Corinne, to push me back on that path? I inspired someone to write once and ironically my awe at how well he wrote stymied my own writing. I actually had an active following for my story - I posted it as I wrote it to a bulletin board. And then one day I stopped writing and apparently that was that.

Now that I've finished school I don't have a ready excuse anymore not to get back to writing. I think I'll look into joining the A-Z Blogging Challenge to get my creative juices flowing again. I have lots to write about, and a "heart story" to tell, I just need to buckle down and chase my dreams - it seems to be in fashion this year.

So anyways, my muse - Corinne - awarded me a Blog Award today! As you can see, she's a very clever muse, what better way to get me writing again?
Thank you Corinne, for giving me a kick in the ass, even if you didn't know you were or that I needed one. You can find Corinne's blog here, at www.corinneoflynn.com. Yes, she's so cool she has her own domain name. :)

As part of accepting this award, I have to share seven things about myself. I'll not copy and paste Corinne's list here, although I could with few edits, so as not to appear too much like a fan girl or copy cat.

1. I collect books and stuffed animals. At the risk of psychoanalysing myself here, I grew up an only child who moved around about every two years. I carried around a teddy bear with me for at least part of my freshman year in high school. Shockingly I was not all that popular. Thus some of my best friends, if not stuffed, could be found within the pages of the books I read and collected. I think that's why I am so fond of series books, I get to spend more time with my friends through them.

2. I am the most outgoing shy person you will ever meet. Because we moved around so much when I was growing up I had to learn how to insert myself into social situations, and I can, but at heart I'm very shy.

3. As I mentioned, I've always been a writer, just not a very dedicated one the last several years. In my defense, I have been rather busy these last few years.

4. I am a total geek. I love technology, computers, gaming and gadgets of all shapes, sizes and functions. I have a computer, a laptop, an iPod and an iPad - and I'm not sure how I could function without all of them.

5. I used to dance in a cage upstairs at a bar called Yo Mama's in New Orleans. Not for profit, but because I loved doing it. I was divorced, I smoke, drank, was in damn good shape and I had the time of my life. No, I didn't strip. If you're ever in New Orleans check out Yo Mama's they have best burgers and baked potatoes in the city, they're right off Bourbon Street and upstairs there's a smoky little bar with a cage at one end of the room. It's very empowering. I highly recommend it, especially if you're trying to rebuild your life, self-esteem and physique. ;)

6. I am a breast cancer survivor. If you peruse my blog you'll find it peppered with stories about my experience. I had quite possibly the best experience one could ever hope for with cancer. That being said, I'd rather not do it again. I go again in April for my annual "let's hope it's not back" series of tests. This June will be my 4th anniversary from diagnosis. My daughter will also be 4 that month. Yes, I was pregnant when I was diagnosed.

7. Although I started college right out of high school, I just earned my Bachelor's in Business Administration last October. I will walk in May of this year. It wasn't all laziness on my part that it took me so long. Every time I started school some dramatic, life-changing event would come along to knock me off course.

Ok, enough about me, let's talk about you! As part of this award I get to hand out five of my own!

A very dear friend of mine, Elizabeth, writes a lovely blog she calls Lizzy Writes. Her blog is so well put together and just plain perfect that you may not want to visit it if you're prone to blog envy. In addition to being an excellent and inspiring writer, she's also an excellent cook and often shares recipes.

I tripped over It's like I'm Mmmagic... about a year or so ago. I don't know Brandy, the author, but her blog has really touched me several times. Sometimes she makes me laugh out loud and sometimes she brings me to tears. She's been going through a hard time lately and has blogged about it. It's very moving. She also posts anonymous notes from her readers in what she calls "the secret project". It's a way for people to share their secrets, and often get feedback. It's often hilarious, sometimes sad and always entertaining. Brandy writes like I think... if that makes any sense.

Thinking Too Hard is a blog I only recently started following, but it's very well written. It's also heavy on my mind tonight because of her most recent post - This is not allowed. I've been there. I love that she uses music like I do. I don't compose it, I use it to heal my soul and to bolster it when it's pulled down.

Then there's Clever Girl Goes Blog, as her tagline says "sarcasm never looked so good". Her posts are often laugh out loud funny and drip sarcasm - which I find utterly endearing. I've been lurking, reading her blog for at least a year, probably longer. Highly recommended.

And last, but not least, is Corinne's Blog - Inside Looking Out. Corinne's posts are always entertaining and witty. If you like me at all, you'll love her. She's the me I'm still trying to be.

Funny, I only actually know one of these fine ladies, but they have all touched my life in one way or another. Compared to their blogs, mine really isn't anything super special and, as I mentioned, is sadly neglected. But now that I have a muse again, maybe we can fix that.

Thank you for dropping by!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Who were you in high school?

About a year ago a friend asked me, completely out of the blue, what social groups I hung out with in high school. I never did ask him where in the world that question came from. He likely doesn't even remember at this point, but that question has plagued me since then. Well actually not that question - but more along the lines of who I was in high school and whether I've changed all that much. And further, if we're all just stuck in the same rut we started digging back then.

Well let's see... who was I in high school? Nobody. No really, you could probably poll everyone in my graduating class and not one of them would remember who I was.

Little known fact about me - I'm shy and often feel socially awkward. I am a total geek. I was in high school as well. Now that I'm older I am likely the most outgoing, gregarious shy and socially awkward person you'll ever meet. Often my attempts at small talk or what comes out of my mouth when I feel under pressure to say something, anything are pretty pathetic.

What else? I have always had an overwhelming need to be cool. Or more precisely for others to think I'm cool. Well I wasn't cool in high school and I'm really not cool now. I daydream about riding my motorcycle to work or anywhere really. I did own a bike, but sold it three years ago. Frankly I hadn't ridden it for a long time before that either.

I didn't have many friends in high school. This was at least partly because I had an abusive boyfriend who strongly discouraged me from having friends. I don't have many friends now either, despite my 121 friend count on Facebook. Perhaps that's why I'm fascinated with social networking, and before that with online gaming, and before that online chatting and role-playing. I now "know" people from around the world from all different places. Most of these people I've never met in person, but I know them from gaming or the breast cancer survivor group. Some I know from work, others I went to high school with, there are a few I just have picked up along the way - not really sure how, and I'm even friends with one of my husband's ex-girlfriends.

I really want people to like me, but I - ok this is going to sound pathetic - have been rebuffed and/or rejected so many times that I can be hard to get to know. Poor, sad little me, eh?

I liked to write in high school and I still do - so that's the same. I don't write trivial romance stuff anymore though. That's probably a good thing!

So, am I the same person today that I was in high school? Do we really ever grow up? No and yes. Despite the fact that I still exhibit many of the same characteristics I did in high school, I have come a long way. There's an awareness that comes maturing. I think the cancer had a lot to do with who I am today. So did my divorce many moons ago. These were big, life changing events - the kind that force you to grow up or go home, if you know what I mean. I imagine that I'll be different in another 10 or 20 years; look back and think how silly I was.

Maybe our core personality remains about the same, but we figure out ways around or through self-imposed limitations like being shy or fearing rejection.

Gosh, when I think about how often I mulled this over it seemed like such a big deal, but now that I've written it out... it just seems sort of silly actually.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Parental Guidance Suggested

Warning: Today's blog's content may be disturbing and totally freak most men out.

If I've learned one thing about kids, it's that your life becomes all about distraction. The baby's crying, distract her! The child is tugging at you when you're working on homework, distract her!

So anytime you find something that will distract said child when she's fighting you to change her diaper, you're grateful!

Enter the tampon. Now every girl develops an obsession with tampons at some point in her life. It goes hand in hand with the whole "I'm a woman now!" thing that was exciting when we started hearing about it around 8 years old, and after it happened soon lost its luster as we realized it was just a messy, painful inconvenience. (yeah yeah, I get the whole portal of humanity concept, but still)

So Angie found a box of tampons under my sink and excitedly will grab a handful of them and parade around the house. It's very cute and funny to me, but freaks my husband out. One of them ended up in her room and I use it to distract her when changing her diaper - which is often a battle. Poor Lenny walked in the other day to see her playing with it and was all upset. It's still safely in its wrapper and really, it's sterile, or at least was before Monster Baby got a hold of it.

Here's a wonderful article about Elizabeth's brother and sister-in-law. Makes me look at my blog and cringe :)

I have blog-envy.

Stephanie Nielson aka NieNie sure did splash in a lot of puddles.

The article made me think about how NieNie's story was interrupted, but is now being retold across the media in such a positive light. God forbid something happen to me and this blog be my legacy, what a challenge the NY Times will have putting an inspirational spin on my tampon-toting baby story!

And I can just hear teenage-Angie now... MoooOooooMMM!!

hehe :)