Twitter won't interfere with your work, and other lies

Once upon a time, not really all that long ago, personal computers were created. They were at once similar and vastly different than the computer - or perhaps mobile device - you're reading this on today. These were the dark days, before there was an Internet. Almost hard to believe, huh? Back then the closest thing there was to the Internet was something called a Bulletin Board System (BBS) which was run by a SYSOP (System Operator). Yes, they were dark days indeed.

Then came AOL. Chatrooms! We could converse with people from all over, it was incredible!

Fast forward to the dawn of Facebook. (Let's just skip over.. uh what was it? Oh, MySpace). Finally a way for lazy people to keep in touch with family and friends from all over. Not to mention build virtual farms and slay virtual thugs. And a place to share photos, or be tagged in photos, that you'd really rather your mom didn't see...

Holy cow, your mom is on Facebook! And.. shit.. so is your dad. 

Then businesses started to show up on Facebook. Who follows businesses on Facebook? Pfff.. wait... they offer cool stuff? OK, I'm in.

Why yes, I do want to be the Featured Oreo Fan of the week...

Best Buy? Let's bash on them publically! Oh hey, they actually repond. Wow.

Then came Twitter. What the heck is a Tweeter? Your mom isn't there. Neither is your dad. But @ShitMyDadSays is... and he was so popular he wrote a book.

I have a copy. So does your dad, who we all know rarely says anything worth publishing. Oh well.

Twitter. Mini-blogging. Who the heck wants that? How booooooring. Hey wait... there are some pretty cool people on there. Ok, I'll try it. Hey... this isn't so bad. I got tech support from my phone company - holy cow! Maybe there's something to this.

And so it begins. You've discovered Twitter and suddenly it's like you found the back door to a secret club full of really cool people. Even for a complete geek it can initially be intimidating, and then someone follows you. Eventually they retweet you. You're hooked. Got to get to 100 followers. Then 200. Then 500.

Your mom asks you about Twitter. You tell her there's a monthly fee. She's not interested. Yes!

Then you tell your boss that your company should totally be on Twitter. "What's a Twit?" he asks. You try to explain. You try again. You give up and ask him to trust you. He tells you to go ahead, but don't let it interfere with your other work. You assure him it won't. We all know that was a lie. That's ok, you're not alone.

Welcome to the Age of Twitter. If you're lucky, you'll meet some great folks who will support you, entertain you, help you, tutor you and ultimately make you wish that you all lived on the same block.

4 Years

Brand New! Still under warranty.

Six Months

One Year!

One and a half.

Two, and already cynical?

Doesn't this look just like her?

Two and a half! Already a ham.

The Big Oh Three!

Three and a half - first school picture.

Four!

She's a Big Girl now!

Updates on Jealousy, Poop and Binkies

An update on the Jealousy Makes me Blog Crazy Things post, to the left are the latest search keywords people used to find my blog.

Karma Kleenex - ok, I did post a blog about that, but um... who searches for it?

Nookie on the stairs? No clue. We live in a single story house, for one, and secondly I haven't ever blogged about stairs or nookie that I can recall...

And Yes! Poop! Success!!! I'm not sure who Googles poop, but there you have it!

You too are welcome to join the WTFHUH??? Blog Ring. We're comparing odd search results, and maaaybe trying to inspire new ones. It's like Google Fishing. LOL.

In other news, the binkies are all gone now. We are finally binky free! I was almost ready to give up hope. In the end, a week of cold turkey worked, even when she found one of her old, yucky, chewed up binkies. So if you're struggling with your own Binky Saga, there is hope!

Just to be sure, the two remaining binkies have uh... disappeared, never to return.

In which I blog about poop...

If you are freaked out or somehow offended by poop, you should probably not read this post. I polled my Twitter followers on just how interesting a blog post on poop would be and the sentiment was pretty unanimous that I should go for it.

Let's hope it's not a shitty idea.

It's sort of interesting how many stories I could tell that have to do with poop. Like the story my father likes to tell about when I was a very small child in diapers, still in a crib. He came in one day to find me no longer napping, but happily painting myself, my crib and the walls with poop. He quickly put a stop to that by plucking me out of my crib by my armpits (presumably one of the only clean spots at that point) and plunking me down in the tub to be scrubbed by my mother while he cleaned my room.

To this day I have no artistic ability. I am certain it stems from this incident. I might have been a great artist, but alas my career was cut short by shortsighted people. What a waste.

Wednesday I come home and Lenny's super excited. He meets me at the back door...

"Angie pooped on the potty!"

"Great," I respond, it's been a long road and while she's got peeing on the potty down, she still sneaks off to her closet to poop most day. Yes, her closet. I have no idea why.

"And Oh My God... it was HUGE! It was the length and width of her arm!" he continues.

"Well... gosh... wow..." Really, not quite sure how to respond to that one. My husband is obviously impressed, going on and on. 

"I'm surprised you didn't take a picture," I say, jokingly.

"I thought about it!" he exudes. 

Oh my.

"I even called your Dad and told him about it."

Yes, he was that excited.

Angie runs in about that time and I give her a big hug.

"I hear you went poop on the potty," I praised.

"Yes! And it was as big as my arm!" she gushes, holding up her arm proudly. 

Gee, I'm sorry I missed it...

OK, sure, kid poop is inoffensive. It's almost cute, if still rather stinky. But adult poop really has no appeal, unless it leads to fun sayings...

About a year ago I heard a story about a guy (presumably) who pooped in a towel in the office gym, wrapped it up and put it in the laundry basket at work.

Yes, this really happened.

Totally disturbing. Despite my predictions, no further incidents have occurred. Almost a let down, no? 

But no! Out of it came the best office sayings E.V.E.R.!

"Just wrapping it in a towel and throwing it out there"

"Oh go shit it a towel, will ya?!"

"Time to shit.. er... throw in the towel!"

"It could have been worse, someone could have shit in a towel"

And my favorite: "Well sure, I was pissed, but it's not like I was going to go shit in a towel."

Do you have a good one liner to add? Post it in the comments.

If you work with me, this totally did not happen where we work...