I don't have many friends, and I'm ok with that. The people I do consider true friends are pretty special, and really that's what's important. However lately I've found myself in a quandary concerning two friends, or more like potential friends.
The first is a very nice person I met a few weeks ago. I really would like to get to know this person better, so I find myself trying to be outgoing and friendly, inviting her to be my friend, and concerned that I may be coming across too strong in some way. I've been through some tough times myself, and I know she's going through some similar issues, so I want to extend a hand in support and friendship, without being pushy. It's a harder balance than I thought. Not really sure where that stands, but I'm hopeful. I honestly don't have time right now to be a full on, talk on the phone a lot, let's go out all the time, friend right now anyway. I'd be happy with a "Hey, today's National Teddy Bear day, wanna go wander around downtown Glendale for a few hours?" kinda friend who knows it's ok to call me late at night when the scary thoughts creep in and you're staring down your own mortality. One of the things I'm left with from cancer is a strong urge to help others facing the same challenge, and hopefully help them to find the positives in the experience.
My other quandary is another casual friend of mine who I found out is also friends with someone who has caused me to question just what a "hostile work environment" really means. (Sadly, if it's not sexual in nature, no one really seems to care). Ok, so I'm a big enough girl that I can deal with friends who are friends with people I am not friends with. The problem is that Ms. Hostile has helped spread some really nasty, just plain awful rumors about my friend and has many times made disparaging remarks to me about her. So, do I tell my friend that she's friendly with a backstabbing witch? Is it my place to tell her, and would she even believe me or would it just cause me more problems? I find myself wondering if I'm the one with the knife aimed at my back, which is a real shame.
Remember when you were young and friendships were so easy? You know, before "fifth grade" when hormones and boys entered into the picture. Why do some people insist upon bringing that "fifth grade" mentality with them into the workplace?
So thank you to those special people I consider my friends. If I don't tell you enough, I really do appreciate you being in my life and how you enrich it by just being you (and for listening to me when I go off on my tangents.)