Friday, March 5, 2010

Have you seen the real me?

So, with social networking on the rise the question is if we'll all soon have to decide whether to have both a public and a private identity or not. It's something that's occurred to me in the past and I think I mentioned it here. How once you let people know you have a blog your blogging becomes more and more limited. I mean really. Not that I want to rant about anyone in particular (at this particular moment - well ok maybe just a little...) but every once in awhile I could write a really good rant and get things off my chest, but can't because it might cause a firestorm.

So, the question becomes can you be just one person for everyone in your life - parents, spouse, people at work, your boss, your employees, you children - or is there a need to draw lines in the sand and at least attempt to segregate your lives? And even if you wanted to, could you really pull it off? Have you ever Googled yourself? Crazy stuff comes up - some of it very scary. So even if you did make two identities for yourself online - on Facebook and Blogger for example - how long until you're outed? Except for the occasional photo *cough* or comment would it really be so bad?

It's an interesting dilemma. One of the unintended effects that the Internet may have is forcing us to be who we are. Period. And with that, accepting our friends, family, co-workers and children for who they are as well. Perhaps it'll broaden all of our minds. It may be a painful process, but maybe it's necessary and long overdue. In the end, I think it has the potential to make us all better people.

Or I'll just give in and rant anyways. :)


  1. I have just been thinking of the same thing recently... the 2 identities... just to have a place that you can just say what you want and not have to hear from your friends... "what the heck was that all about???" sometimes you just, as you said, need to get it off your chest. it would be nice to be able to just "rant" whenever you like, without repercussions, however, some people like say.. spouses, children, close friends, might question why you feel the need to... aren't you happy with life as "they" know it?? but you and I know that sometimes we too... the mother of the house... just NEEDS to let it go... let off the steam... say what she feels... without having everyone think you grew another head!Or went off the deep end... or is having some weird mental issue...
    Anyway.... sorry to have "ranted" on you.. lol... just needed to get it out. LOL
    Point is... totally understand what you are saying. :)

  2. LOL exactly. It will be an interesting learning experience. That's what girlfriends are for though, someone we can rant to that understands that if we don't get something off of our chests we'll EXPLODE and also realizes that maybe we're not looking for a solution, we just need to talk. :)

  3. THANK YOU!! That's something I think men (my husand especially)..just don't understand. My DH always thinks he needs to FIX it... I am not necessarily asking for, as you said, a solution. Neither do I want to hear his expertise on HOW to do it "the right way." (according to him anyway.) Just be quiet and LISTEN!!

    And the part I really can't stand is whenever HE wants to rant and rave about something... I am supposed to think that its fine. But when I do... I "need to take anxiety meds," or I "can't hold a civil conversation" with him without my "flippant" remarks...(well... stop saying STUPID things then!!)

    Sometimes he makes it extremely difficult to live with! (can you tell??) :)

    Well, GF, thanks for being here for me to defuse. :) I was about ready to explode any minute, I could actually feel the pressure between my eyes! Its nice to know there are others out there that really DO understand. :)


  4. LOL Happy to help. Maybe you should start a blog too :)

    Oh, and there's this marriage seminar called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor that is AWESOME. My husband and I have watched it over and over. It's hilarious and he says the same things - that women don't want me to fix their problem, they just need to talk about it lest they explode. I highly recommend it. Mark Gungor is on Facebook, he does a podcast as well. You can find more about him at You can also find clips from the DVD on there - find the Mens Brains, Womens Brains one - it's hilarious!! :)

  5. Ya know,I have been trying to convince my mom to let me have a blog for a little while now, to no avail. I have put much thought into it and think it would be okay if I was anonymous. That way, I could rant, and say how I really feel and hurt no one's feelings in the process. It would protect me, and I would be able to be myself, and hold nothing back. Even if I'm anonymous, it still serves the main purpose: I want a blog to see if someone completely random, who knows next to nothing about me, cares what happens to me. It would let me know if the world could accept me as I am. If i happen to be outed, then I would deal with that problem when it appears. Besides, it is doubtful they could figure out their codename anyways. :)

  6. Thanks for the info on Mark Gungor, I will certainly check it out. :)

    I am considering a blog, maybe an anonymous one tho... don't want to make waves with anyone I know. :P Know what I mean...?? ;P wink.wink..

    I have done some writing on HubPages, but it's a journal of my BC journey (its posted on my profile) and I don't really mention much about my DH cause... well frankly, he was not involved in much of it. And I don't mention my feelings about that either cause he might one day read it.. in case you haven't noticed.. I don't like confrontation. Altho... I have PLENTY to be confrontational about... but I try to control it... its not much fun always arguing. Bad for the BP and all. ... Gee... I really DO need this seminar thing don't I?? LOL I am definitely gonna check it out! :)

  7. Susan, someone recently pointed out to me that many BC survivors suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. I think they're right. It's something that you just don't understand unless you live through it - how when you look in the mirror you expect to see yourself, but you don't, for a very long time. How you can seem to handle things so well, yet there's this bubbling cauldron of rage inside you that you don't even realize is there until something tips it. We're so busy telling everyone that we're fine, yet people don't give us what we need - likely because we don't ask them to. Men don't pick up on subtle.

    With blogging too, you can write it and save it, and not publish it. Try that, come back the next day and review what you wrote, maybe revise it, but by writing it down you'll get it off your chest.

    Hugs to you my friend. :)

  8. Emie, I think you should blog. I think you're very talented. I also think you shouldn't be afraid to blog publicly. If you think that your mom has no clue what it's like to be a teenager, you're wrong - I was there. So if you're afraid to rant about her, I wouldn't be overly concerned - LOL.

    I care about what happens to you, and much more so than some random person ever will. Not because I witnessed your mother's teen years, but because I like you as a person and am very proud to know you. I would love to hear what you have to say and maybe even give you some hope that you're not alone in what you're going through or that you're not the first to run into that issue.

    Love you sweetie. :)

  9. Thank you for being such a fantastic person and friend. I love you.

  10. I think you misunderstood. I want to thank you for all of your support, but my meaning is different. I meant about school, or larger family matters. If I had any problem with my mom, which I don't, I would talk to her. We have always had a very open relationship, and I hope it stays that way. I just want to be able to express myself without the restrictions of internal politics or hurt feelings. I have been keeping up with a few blogs recently and when one of them fell into hard times, an entire army of them were there to support her, and she had never met any of them face-to-face. That's just amazing to me, and I would love to be a part of that. To me, blogging is so much more than just expressing yourself.

  11. I didn't think you just wanted to rant about your mom, that was just an example. But that's ok, I understand what you're getting at. You're lucky to have a relationship like that with your mother - I don't with mine.

    The Nie Nie Dialogs is a good example of what you were talking about - have you seen it? It's linked on my page, so you may have. That story is pretty incredible.

  12. Dy... you couldn't have explained it any better! That's exactly how it is! I never thought about the possibility of PTSS. But your explanation of how I feel (and I am sure many others too)covers it to the letter!

    I believe that, as a woman and caregiver, people (especially husbands and children) come to expect us to always be there, and be well. So, when we aren't, I guess they panic and do not want to face the fact that it is what it is. We are NOT "SUPER-MOM" or "WONDER WIFE." :)

    We are human, and like everyone else, we get sick and sometimes just don't have the energy or desire to BE THERE for them. Plus they are probably scared that they have to face the fact that one day we will NOT "be there." I know one of my grown daughters has told me that I am expected to "live forever." lol Not on this earth!

    I remember as a child, and even as an adult, I never thought there would be a day when my Mother would not be there for me. However, when I was 31, I had to face the fact that she wouldn't be there anymore. She died of ovarian cancer just before she turned 62. We didn't know she had it until 4 months before she died. This was in 1981.

    I guess I can understand somewhat how others feel, but when you are going through it, you expect them to be more aware of what we are experiencing. After all, there is so much information today, they should know better. Guess I am expecting too much.

    It's good to know that there are "sisters" out there that DO understand and will LISTEN!


  13. Sister Susan, I'd never thought about PTSS either until someone mentioned it on the BC board on FB. Still, despite it all, I had a really goo experience with BC. Because you know... through it I've met the most wonderful people - people like you :)

  14. Dy, I agree with you there. The support I have found on FB has helped me thru a lot of emotional times.

    The actual Mastectomy, chemo and radiation was not so bad for me either, I can't complain about the physical. Compared to some women I have spoken to.... mine was a breeze.

    I just found it hard when it came to family support. I thought they would understand more, but it seemed that they, my husband especially, just couldn't comprehend MY feelings. He always seems to think that my "moods" are a personal affront to him. Instead of just ignoring me when I am in a bad mood, he chooses to argue with me, or say things that are hurtful.

    I am so glad that I have people online that are more understanding to what I am going thru. I am happy to have met you. At least you understand the feelings we have and are willing to just listen. ....

    Of course you don't have to live with me..... lol...
    According to my husband... that is a horrible ordeal.